Monday, April 26, 2004

total chaos

I try to convince myself, I work to live, and not that I live to work.....

The sad part of the story, just begins here. Somebody appraises me of my life.

Somebody appraises my peers of their jobs. The appraisal process is the weird thing, it works on perception.

Somebody else decides on our salary hikes.

I think they are my friends......

just got to know about my sal hike... and I am confused.
reminds me of classic nirvana -- smells like teen spirit

I'm so happy, 'cause today I found my friends....
They 'r' in my head!!!

Ugly but true.

Friday, April 23, 2004

hrd and vileness

IMHO HR ppl are the most demeaning kind of the lot.
(quoted by an MBA), not me.

I just agree.

with due apologies to any HR guy that realises that he/she is not the most demeaning person in the world.

angry me on an angry chair

Monday, April 19, 2004

free as in freedom

I can talk about open source, but now is not the time. Today is a day to celeberate my freedom ( its is short lived ) over the terror/fright/anxiety/pressure of exams. Yes sir, the same old demons that came in and spoilt your cradle days. Some ppl just never get old.

6 months ago I had this (brainless) idea that I shd get back to studies (with work). I am at both of them, and tell you way, work is easy; studies are much harder; or may be I am plain an old chap. So I registered for the MS course, where I had these "open book" tests this weekend. Needless to say I was screwed. I hate open book tests.... for a long time now.

What is done is done; but for now, as soon as the next weekend sets in, it is time for a break (some sun and some beer).

thats freedom.

Brij, thanks for the note on the Blog. I truly appreciate, the time you spend with yourself (thats what blogging is all about -- right, talking to your self, aloud !!)

know thyself,

Sunday, April 11, 2004


All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien

brilliant aint it, Tolkien and the master piece The Lord of The Rings.

here's another one of the malapropisms...
the human mind is so complex, that it is unable to understand itself :)

but is it not; or may be the language we use is not complete to understand or express the complexity or may be we are just not looking in the right direction.

Look at this, in this short post, the power of mind is so drifted me to write abt LoR, the complexity of the mind and direction of the approach....

I need to sleep.


Friday, April 09, 2004

Marriage at 26

I am 26(old) and marriage is the talk of the town. Its like a religion and custom and tradition and season and "the thing to do" all put together. All the relatives/friends around would just want to talk to me about the same thing. It is as if batchmates were like raw plums and they are just falling to matrimony... it started with the females and as if it were contagious the spread continued to the "dudes". It is almost funny, the way it is - u meet this guy, and he tells you that he is getting married(out of the blue) and u almost feel sorry for the female...

Most of them are rather classical typical arranged marriage, and people would just decide on spending their lives together (and rather happily so) -- just like that!!!! This universe is rigged alright....

I have a simple question. Our custom would strictly be against a kind of one night stand, wherein a man meets a la femme in a party and both end in bed. How differant is the arranged marriage from that -- expect that u wld spend the entire life...

And the elders would say "beta u must get settled in life".. Give me a break, I was never more in control of my life - I have a decent job, like what I do and if that is not enuf, I dont have to worry, where will I spend my next saturday night.

Marriage -- not now please

Thursday, April 08, 2004

little -> me

or a few hours, i wld like to forget all the philosophy and go back to the days where i'd blindly believe what my teachers had to say; that there is a God who writes the destiny, and the good will come back to all those who do good. I wld like to go back to my mum's place where every thing had a reason and yet i cld jst blindly ask for anything without a reason ; wouldnt it be nice -- return to innocence :) :) .

it wld be nice to find a place where u cld just rest your head, and all ur troubles go away, and i am a little tired of playing a grown up .. what do u say -- can i be a child with you???

take care, and now as a grown up -- donot spend yourself,
with lots of love,
little -> me

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Forces of Nature

This is from an old blog; tht this was interesting.... one of the very few writings, where I dont read my insecurities.

There this movie called "Forces of Nature"; Sandra B. plays a wild female in the same. Whatever, she played, the character had energy flowing out of her. She was "what can I say" amazing !!! Like my roomie, I am not too sure, that I cld keep up with someone like "her", if such a person were to exist in my life... but sure as hell I would like to be her.

The character had problems, like everybody else ... but her metabolism rate was way beyond my own.... who wouldnt want to be on top of a train at the remotest of the hinterlands; and shout out "I am alive" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 05, 2004

its been long, but the good news is that I am back.

There was a lot to learn, these past weeks, not only technically, but also psycologically (abt myself).

life is beautiful, aint it. even with its jinxed approach; the beauty, the ever so constant momentum that life has, never ceases to astonish me. it just goes on - waiting for no one - altered by no one - constant - moving - a force - energy - like a flux; just going on and on - unknown to where is the destination - impartial to highs and lows - just goes on. Why am i even trying to contemplate the incontemplatable. May be its the living sprit, which never ceases to astonish itself, or may be its just that I am so miniscule even with my thoughts, that I cannot even imagine the size or momentum this giant has.

yet, life is so unpredictable.

tell me truly; do you believe in fate ?
I dont like the idea of somebody in the "heavens" having time or energy to contemplate the system of universe and pre-writing the thing(s) we do. In that event no one can stop the predetermined -- get real. I cannot explain some phenomenon -- but so what ; that only proves that my langauage or the science that I know is incomplete. It definately does not mean that there is a fate associated with it, or may be there is but it just does not gel up with the idea of life, which is so unpredictable.

i can keep on writing on this one; but guess what this is my perception ( and also my blog :) )
more later